Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Return to work Friday. Ugh.

NOT happy about going back on Friday. Nothing positive to say about it.

So, the positive right now is that I love my boys and hubby. I also had testing done today for our insurance wellness thing that lowers the cost of our insurance by $130/month, and my good cholesterol and bad cholesteral were great, total of 180. BP was 110/60, and blood sugar was normal. I need to lose this last 35 pounds, but thank goodness that my testing came back so well! I am 2% from being in the moderate BMI range based on their machine, instead of overweight...so I plan on figuring out how the heck to get good exercise in after I return to stupid work. I have been walking so much with Andrew, and at this point, I guess what I will have to do is the BL programs at night after he goes to sleep. Blah! But it must be done, to keep my #'s good as I age, and to get my weight down lower.

Done with Christmas shopping. Got Ev the Red Rider big wheel today. That brings his haul to the little alien from Project 51, a boat from "Santa," 10 hot wheels for his stocking, a pirate Mr. Potato Head, Toy Story camping set (sleeping bag, flashlight, compass, duffel bag), and a Kid Tough Fisher Price digital camera. Picked up a little 3 month+ shaker toy for Andrew so he can have a little wrapped gift from "Santa" as well for Evan to open in his honor. ;)

I MUST get my oil changed tomorrow, as well as smog check, and get to the DMV to get my tags. Thursday I would like to just relax all day. I have a breakfast with girlfriends at 8:30, after that I'd like to come home and relax and watch some movies with Daryl, since he's home from Thurs-New year! I also have to figure out what we are going to pay my friend who is watching Andrew for 42 hours/month...I just have no clue! Hmmmm....

Should start dinner for the boys while Andrew is sleeping in his swing. Bit concerned as Andrew has had a slight cough today, hoping it goes away overnight, if not then tomorrow will start with a visit to urgent care. He is breathing fine, and he had his 4 month appt with his doc yesterday and it went well, so...let's hope it is nothing!

Trying to not wallow in my sadness about returning to work, or about our living situation and how that stress will add to my general miserableness once I return. Argh.

Overall I know I am lucky, but at the same time...some things are pretty painful. :( Meh.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

pretty dress...next haircut

Picked up a very cute little black dress with fun, sparkly sequins trimming the hem. It's for my work Christmas party! :) Tomorrow I am going to go get my hair cut. Hoping for a cute bob. It's been 9 months since I last got my hair cut...sheesh! I'm nervous because they never do what I really want no matter where I go it seems. But anything is better than the mess I keep gathering in a ponytail, and clipping my icky, grown out bangs.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back to work in 17 days.

SO much to get done before 12/18. I feel like that is doomsday, which I realize is ridiculous. SO many people looking for jobs right now, so many without health insurance, and I have both of those. But, I just want so badly to stay home with Andrew. Or well, walk 2-3 hours/day with Andrew, grab a coffee, do the laundry, cook dinner for my boys every night, etc.

My to-do list is insane! I have breakfast with the gals Thursday, Weight watchers Saturday, obnoxious DMV appointment Monday, need to take family Christmas pic for our cards, order those cards, order picture gifts for family for Christmas, get haircut before 12/12, work Christmas party on 12/12, Andrews 4-month well baby appt 12/14, Insurance wellness appointment 12/15 (blood test/weight/etc to lower cost of insurance by setting "health goals"), finalize info on who is taking care of Andrew when I go back to work, get new pics put on digital frame for my desk at work, get gift for gf's 30th bday, Daryl's work Christmas thing (maybe...it is the day I go back to work, so I think I'm skipping it?)

All of this makes me want to run for the nearest pizza buffet. Fighting well so far, have snacked more the last couple of days but still a little down on the scale, and still on control. Have to keep this in check...ugh! Stressed may spell desserts backwards, but that doesn't mean I have to eat them!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

-1.2 weigh in

Not bad at all for Thanksgiving week! I ate very healthfully on Turkey day, leaving points for pie of course. ;) Black Friday I ate a bit too much coffee shop junk throughout the day while shopping, but again, yay for a loss at all this week! Onward, downward. :)

Tonight we will be decorating the tree we picked up today, enjoying Christmas music, and snacking (ate light today so I can enjoy cocoa chex mix, sugar cookies, eggnog coffee, and cider. :)). Ev is very excited to decorate, and should be fun to watch. :)

Have to do some more laundry if Andrew will just let me detach him for a moment. Not likely. ;) My little uber-dependent child. <3

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Good week...bad vibes

Food/exercise going well. I had a mini-breakdown last night on the way to get Ev from school. Daryl is working the early shift at work because his 4am employee is off, so I am doing the school drop off/pick up this week. Andy was in the back of the car screaming (hates being stopped in the car), and I came to a stop at a looooong red light right in front of my office building. I absolutely do not want to go back to work on Dec. 18th or ever. :(

I was SO close to just going to get fast food with Ev because of the stress and the emotions, but instead, I came home and ate a healthy dinner here. Food isn't my problem food isn't going to solve it.

At the end of the day, this weight, the 35 more pounds at least, that I want to lose, will only come off if I keep that in mind. I absolutely hate the customer service side of my job. I hate answering the phone not knowing if it will be a simple fix or a Business From Hell who will take an hour of my time while whining their asses off and/or calling me names. Same with the awful personal banking calls that get put on us. 90 year old men who curse like sailors and in no way should have a computer. 70 year old women near tears because we changed the wording for personal banking to "personal ONLINE banking" or something like that. Someone who is cussing me out about their stupid bill pay issues, like the fact that they think it's instant pay. Same with a business who thinks they can ACH file $$ to their employees same-day with their online banking instead of needing to leave a 24-48 hour window.

I love data entry. Love quality control. Love running and completing reports. Love training. LOVE my coworkers, LOVE them! HATE CLIENTS!!!!!

Ahhh. Had to get that out. I realize these days I am considered stupid for complaining considering I HAVE a job in the financial industry, but I don't care. I'd rather have the "job" of mom. Barring that, either make me the "paper pusher" of the department, or lay me off. I know that makes me ungrateful, just don't care. My important things right now are my husband, kids, and getting healthier.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Rough day...

Not sure why, but wanted to eat *everything* today! Booo. There are days where the nearly 100 pounds I have lost seem like nothing. I can't slide back...

First weigh in Saturday should shock me into ACTION.

On a plus note, we watched Niko tonight because our friend Maili had class and her usual sitter wasn't available. How fun! He and Evan got along really well, and Niko didn't want to leave when his daddy came for him! He's a year older than Ev, but they get along very well.

Also, I signed up for survey taking sites during this maternity leave, as they seemed like a fun distraction. I have actually been getting some nice samples, but also some full sized items. Today I got the Aquafresh Iso-Active toothpaste. Oh YUM! I have only used it this evening after I flossed, but will use it a few days before typing up my thoughts for the site, www.shespeaks.com. The canister is a bit strange, looks like my husbands shaving foam, but, it left my mouth feeling super clean! I also received coupons for $1 off, so if anyone wants to try it, let me know!

Next to arrive should be Ghirardelli's chocolate and coupons. ;) Temptation, I know.

Okay, going to get the wee boy to sleep and maybe watch the last bit of Biggest Loser. It's hard to believe I was once larger than some of these guys when they started on this thing. Huh.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Re-post Weight Watchers bound!

I made the decision last night to go ahead and join Weight Watchers today instead of waiting until I go back to work. We were thinking financially it would be best to wait, but to be honest we spend the monthly pass fee each weekend on eating out for brunch! And I spend $30/week on Starbucks. So how can I deny myself something HEALTHY that has worked for me in the past?

I'll be weighing in on Saturday mornings, but I'll get reacclimated to the website today. I hope to lose 2 pounds/week until I go back to work, which is totally do-able. That would be 12lbs before Christmas! I will continue walking with Andrew everyday, and have decided that 3x/week I will give Andy over to Daryl, my wonderful hubby, at night after Evan goes to bed, and do the Biggest Loser workouts! Just 30 minutes of me-time, working on being healthier.

There is a long road ahead but this is definitely where I have to begin! :)

Friday, November 6, 2009


I have great friends. Had coffee with my friend Maili yesterday and she passed along another bag of clothing that no longer fits her (she has lost big time weight since last year), and it's so nice! Wearing a nice cardigan, and cute size 14 jeans at the moment. :) I have plenty far to go still, but glad that some of what she gave me fits, and what doesn't, I can certainly do so soon if I just do what needs to be done!

Going on a walk for some coffee with Andrew soon, enjoying every moment of these next 6 weeks.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Well, had a great day and then decided on popcorn chicken and mashed tatoes from kfc for dinner. Plenty of healthy options here and I do that. Meh. The one saving grace is I ate 1/2 of an individual popcorn chicken which is pretty small.

On top of trying to move more/eat less, I also grabbed some good skin creams, one for night, and a good SPF one for day, along with a nice cleanser. After two days my skin feels and looks better. I have always had issues doing the little nice things for myself like that, probably due to extremely low self esteem, but I have to try to feel worthy at ANY weight. Not only do I deserve to live a healthy, balanced life where I take care of myself, but Daryl deserves a wife who does too.

Tomorrow I want to try to mimic Mon/Tues...not so much today. :p

Just keep swimming...

Only two truly great health days down in a row but feeling strong.

Had a truly great dinner with my wonderful friend and coworker Beth last night. She let me in on what I've missed at work, and it isn't good. I already knew the feeling in the building was dark and negative when I came to visit with the baby, but now I just know why...not good.

So, I have to get myself into a very positive and healthy pattern before I go back to work. I will be returning to a highly negative and stressful place, BUT I get to see my sweet boys to begin and end my days, so that is what is important to focus on!

Plan for today is another long walk with Andrew, maybe a holiday decaff NF drink at Starbucks, get milk at the store, clean the bathroom, then relax!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


So, we got the packet of health insurance information from my workplace for 2010, and more than ever, it is important that I stop eating whatever crappy thing jumps into my basket at the grocery store during my maternity leave. I have 6 more weeks, and in that time I have to have a wellness assessment for work to lower the premiums for my health insurance. We're talking a savings of $130 permonth! Wow.

Talk about a good reason to work on my health and getting closer to that (thus far), mythical healthy BMI! Basically I have to do an assessment online of my health habits (thankfully mostly very good from an insurance point of view), and be weighed, and have myblood taken for the other 1/2 of the assessment. They will look at weight and the cholesterol/blood sugars etc, and basically try to see improvements. Now, I've already lost over 90 pounds from my highest, and working my way back to 100 pounds down, so I know WHAT to do...it's getting my butt in gear and DOING what needs to be done!

Today has been great, wonderful long walk with Andrew, stopped for a quick snack/coffee, grocery shopping, healthy lunch, good day.
About 50 days to exercise and eat as best I can before going back to the extreme stress of being working-outside-the-home mommy!

Saturday I *will* stand on that scale and face whatever it has to say. Weekly weigh-ins will begin from there. I hope to lose 10 pounds before going back to work, and also am planning to ask for Weight Watchers monthly pass for my Christmas gift this year!I know that the accountability and "me" time of a weigh-in/meeting is what I need long term. Right now it's just me and my desire to get back to work under my pre-pregnancy weight. I CAN DO IT!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Recommitting - 7 week journey

Already a busy morning. Baby up at 5, Evan up at 5:30, Evan has had breakfast, his lunch is made, he'll be off to school with daddy soon. Good to be back to some sort of schedule after we were all so sick last week with the flu.

Breakfast was LF vanilla yogurt with a big spoonfull of Natural PB, and a sliced banana.

Once the boys are out, in about 20 mibutes, I'll hop in the shower and head out with Andrew for a walk! We'll hit the coffee shop for a ff pumpkin coffee and the grocery store. Need to stock up on the "on plan" goodies that keep me going when I'm steadily losing weight. I still have not stepped on the scale. Afraid of what it will say, but, have to start somewhere! And not knowing doesn't mean I haven't gone up in these past few weeks! :p

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Middle of a long journey...

The web is completely filled with stories about weight loss. Struggles and successes shared freely. Mine is maybe no greater a struggle than others, but I have decided to throw mine into the mix.

Few "stats" about me:

Name: Mary

Occupation: eBanking Specialist (Fancy title for stressed out person who helps cranky people/businesses with their online banking)

Married to my amazing husband Daryl since September 17, 2005, but we've known each other since 1996!

Mom to two beautiful boys, Evan Joseph 3, and Andrew Lucas, born Aug. 12, 2009!

What motivated me to lose weight and get healthy after years of obesity?

I'll start by saying that I realize most of what you read tells you that you need to follow this journey for YOU. That YOU are important enough for this work you need to put in, for the improvements you are making. I'm not really arguing against that, however, from my personal experience, it took an outside force to prompt me into action. In 2006 my wonderful little boy, Evan, was born. He was this perfect, healthy little boy who needed nothing more than our love and care. We were picture-crazy as most new parents equipped with digital cameras are these days. And it was one of these photographs, taken in November 2006 brought home to me how I was NOT "fitting" into my image of a healthy family with my husband and son.


I bawled like a baby. I could not believe how unhealthy I looked next to my husband, and holding our first son. I knew I had to do something to change my path. To be a good example to my family.

This was no simple task. We love to eat out. I grew up in an unhealthy family that ate absolutely nothing but junk and fast food. I have to fight every natural instinct I have when I am following a balanced eating plan. I decided upon Weight Watchers for a healthy eating plan that would be "easiest" to stick to, and walking as a start for exercise. During my maternity leave I walked with my son everyday, eventually moving on to Biggest Loser workouts, and went back to work weighing less than I had when I got pregnant. It was nothing that happened quickly. It took 3 years of hard work to go from my high of 293 to my low of 189.


I celebrated being in a size 14 (even a few 12's! From a size 24!), for about a week, before we got the big, happy surprise that I was pregnant with our second child! I was a bit freaked out about seeing the scale go up, I'll admit it. Thankfully my new habits did lead me to gaining less with my second pregnancy. I was 193 at my first OB appointment, and 224 on the day of delivery. At 11 weeks after giving birth to our sweet Andrew Lucas, I am sitting at about 200. I want to get back to where I was, and keep the momentum going, to hopefully see 160! That would be smaller than I've been since early *junior high!*

It isn't easy, I have a demanding and precocious 3 year old, and a needy, momma-centric 2 month old who I am nursing, and I return to a very stressful job in 7 weeks. But as I let myself slide into old habits this past few weeks, I had to remind myself, along the way there have been major stressors (I lost my dad on Feb. 5, 2006, during my first pregnancy to lung cancer, and my mom to Emphazema on Feb 14, 2009, during this pregnancy), and I have persevered. I will not only regain the momentum of the past, I will build on it and be better than ever.

Me and my boys, Avila Farm October 8, 2009. Their future is definitely brighter due to having a healthier momma.


My plan for now is to walk a minimum of 60 minutes per day with my son during the next 7 weeks. I will blog at least every week when I "weigh in." My eating will once again go to the Weight Watchers plan, as I feel that it is so well balanced in terms of wanting you to do what is just naturally healthy. Yes, you can use your "points" for junk, but you can do that without the plan. To truly follow the guidelines of drinking water, eating fruits/veggies, using whole grains, getting a healthy oil in, taking a multi-vitamin, etc, is something that is just going to naturally lend itself to weightloss, especially when combined with exercise. Eventually my husband and I would like to add the Biggest Loser workouts back into our schedule, once the baby is a bit more adjusted, hoping to work it in in the next month or so.

I return to work on December 18th, and hope to lose 10 pounds before that date. That will place me nearly to my lowest weight ever, and 4 pounds below my weight at my first OB appointment. The holidays may seem a tough time to start, but I lost 14 pounds last year during a Biggest Loser competition at work at this same time, so I know it can be done!

Healthy living, being a healthy, balanced example to my sons. That is my goal.